i absolutely hate this part right here

i guess i saw it coming. and maybe i deserve this. i just wish i didn't though. i guess you guys will know me as the totally heartless bitch now huh? great. awesome. i'm a bitch. something i've always wanted to be so that everyone will hate me! wow, sarcasm, really makes you feel a whole lot worse. i should really cut myself some slack. i mean, it's not my fault actually. right? yea so umm, go ahead and do or think what you want cos i dont give a damn! owh who am i kidding, i still feel like shit -.-

watching you is the only drug i need...

it's not you, it's me :(

please don't hate me. well, you can if you want to. i guess you have the rights after what i did. i wouldn't blame you cos i know i just made things a lot harder and well i know i've said this for like i don't know how many times but its the only thing i can say. i'm really really sorry and it's not you. honestly, it's not. okay maybe a little, just a little but the rest is all me. i know i gave one of the lamest excuse but it's so true. it sucks how once you fall sometimes it's just so hard to get back up because you're just afraid then you're gonna end up falling again. 


i feel like shit :(

watching you is the only drug i need...

I JUST DON'T KNOW!

i'm an idiot. funny how i just realised.

how was i the only one who never saw it coming?

was it really that obvious?

how do i feel? i dunno. i seriously don't

will things go back to normal? hopefully

so many questions in my mind! ugghhh, i hate not knowing what to do! like i can't make my own decision or something. i can! i think. i hope it's the right one though. omg, what if i screw up? what if things go reeally wrong? i seriously do not know what to do. ok i need to think. why oh why do i have to be the one who sucks at making her own decision? why do i count on people on this one thing which i should be able to do myself?! it's just so frustrating!

watching you is the only drug i need...

worth the pain :)

man it fels good to work out. seriously. the pain in your legs just makes you feel awesome like you can feel the muscles and makes you feel so good that you're actually doing something. it's definately been awhile since i felt like this and i am loving it. another thing i love, swings! its just awesome when after all the jogs and runs, you just feel the breeze on your face and watch the day turn dark and you're left all alone in a quiet aura. so peaceful. 

the holidays are just sooo freaking boring! i have no idea what to do. it's just so boring at home and i'm just getting so sick of bloody aeon since well, if we ever wanna go out anywhere, that's the place and it's just kinda annoying now. planning to go to sunway so we'll see how that works out. i wanna go bowling and ice skating cos well as lame as it sounds, i have never done both so yea. 

you have got no idea how awkward it was to pass by 'the place'

watching you is the only drug i need...

it's a really small world. unfortunately

it's been awhile but umm, here i am? i have got no idea how to start this post so yea excuse the lameness. changed my template but lets see how long this will last. cos im not so sure about it. i like it for now though :)
i really should be sleeping now since its one in the morning but im just not sleepy. besides, that's like my routine now anyway. sleep late and wake up really late. lol, woke up at exactly12.55 pm today and the rest of the day was just soo fast which was expected since i spent the whole morning sleeping anyway! i seriously need to get everything back in order.


went to taman rakyat today after god knows how long! funny thing is i live so close, like seriously, walking distace but i hardly ever go. so yea went there today to jog and of all the days, it had to be today that i see people i preferably not want to see. some people were okay but then there were also some which i just i dunno, tried to run away from? haha i dunno why i didnt just want to walk past them or this certain person to be exact. instead i decided to walk back from where i came eventhough i knew we were walking the wrong way. coward much? why does everybody need to go to taman freakin rakyat? there are so many stupid mosquitoes anyway! i saw tuition mates, school mates, neighbours, someone who i think i know but at the same time i don't, and even my friend's father! all the while i was like " please don't see me, please don't see me" because well, i felt shitty and i dunno, i'm just a girl with very weird issues. man was i glad to walk out of that place when we were done but i think i'm going there again tomorrow. -.- 


okay i think i should go sleep now and at least try to wake up early tomorrow. hopefully. 


please dont be there, please dont be there...

watching you is the only drug i need...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME? :D

I'M FIFTEEN!

as much as i can't believe that i am, well, i am. i don't feel fifteen. actually i dont really know how i'm supposed to feel cos umm, i feel the same. i mean, technically it's like any other day, i do all the same things. the only thing which makes it feel like my birthday is the cakes, presents and wishes. 


the guys at school bought a cake which was so sweet of them. i really don't like all the attention but it wasn't that bad other than the fact that they sang at the canteen and i think everyone was looking! hey, you can't blame me for not wanting to make a big deal out of the day. i never want to anyway. like i said, i just don't like all the attention. yea it's a little weird i guess i mean, who dosn't like to celebrate their birthday right? well apparently, me :) oh and i got tons of wishes on facebook which oh so brightens my day especially the ones from unexpected people. hehe *smiles widely* ok so i was looking for one specific person's wish but whatever. i knew i wouldn't be getting it anyway so no surprise there. it would have been nice though. :( i don't know why i'm actually expecting it. so stupid!

watching you is the only drug i need....

okay-ish performance

yeaa.... cathecatical night, wasn't that great. well, we weren't that bad i think but still we weren't that awesome either. i'm just speaking on behalf of us singing group of course cos the dance group..... they were well kinda awesome! okay not kinda, they were! i dunno why its so hard for me to say that. lol oh well thank gosh it's all over now and thinking back about that day, most of the audience were old people anyway so yea, i guess it's not that bad. and at least the place was dark so hopefully they couldn't see my face clearly. i was at the side anyway. haizzzz, hopefully....

watching you is the only drug i need...